diary of an Endorphin Junkie

I didn't want to say it at the time, but Leigh Ann's memorial at Baycon really hadn't struck me right at the time, and in fact made me uncomfortable and I left and walked around. I tried coming back later and got the exact same feeling. It really left me wondering.

I think the truth struck home today. The Mass the previous Saturday really had been a Wake more than anything. It was still new and fresh to everyone, and we were all still in shock. I felt very comfortable with everyone there.

The memorial at Baycon had a completely different nature. It was a very beautiful tribute to who Leigh Ann was, and how many lives she touched. Many people have reported in their livejournals and elsewhere just how touched they were by it.

So why did it leave me cold?

It unfortunately simple. I'm selfish. I'm not done processing this, and I'm not ready to see her yet as this past person we all appreciate. To me she still IS ... so many things. And I'm still holding on tight, trying to defy reality.

So this is a quick jot on BayCon's masquerade this year, which was sadly depleted most likely due to the CostumeCon conflict this year.
( Some rambling onwards about my previous costuming history )

My costumes last year were Jayne, a Delvian and an Atevi assassin guild member (both generic and unspecific although if you knew the Atevi regions the yellow-red ribbons in my hair would identify that) I got hall awards for all of them except Jayne (probably due to overbombing of that character in costumes) and many, many suggestions that I do the masquerade, especially from kproche and bovil.

Well, on Saturday morning someone mentioned to me that the Masquerade was seriously short - 12 total entries so far, and they usually had triple that by now. So just for fun, I decided to join this year and fill in the gap left by CostumeCon. My costume this year was a member of the Tashrid (Atevi Parliment)

Did I expect to win? No. And I didn't even get a nod, which was to be expected.

Workmanship: First of all, I "found" my costumes much more than created them. The fact that it took more than 40 hours of just scouring the book enough to get a description strong enough to build a costume from doesn't really count as Workmanship, and the attention to detail in regards that the leather trenchcoat was both exactly as described in the books, and modified to support the body armor protecting the wearer, aren't that either.

Performance Awards: I did one of the best performances of my life, but unfortunately there's no way for a judge to know that. Atevi are by nature stoic. Court atevi will kill people over facial ticks. Anyone that knows me recognizes my flamboyant, arm-waving, lightning-grin style. If you compare that to the respectful and assertive but not aggressive (as defined by the books) walk I used, the exact pronounciation of my address in native Atevi, my respectful but with slight disregard bow to the judges followed by my proper abeyance for the masses (I am a Lord, remember?) you would know that I did a very clean and demanding performance.

More than a dozen people who both knew me well *AND* knew that I was wearing an Atevi outfit for the masquerade did not recognize me.

However, to the judges it probably just looked like I was bored or scared stiff.

So nothing for me, and I'm okay with that. I was totally outclassed by people who had built their costumes from scratch, or were something that the judges could recognize.

Or perhaps it just proves I'm a psychic vampire, no?

You scored as Rogue. Rogue is a strong but tragic personality. She loves Gambit. Because of her mutant powers, she cannot touch anyone without hurting them. Therefore, she longs for human contact. However, this southern gal's strong personality has allowed her to deal with this. Powers: Absorbs lifeforce and powers by touch, Super strength, and flight </td> Rogue 85% Colossus 85% Wolverine 80% Jean Grey 75% Emma Frost 75% Beast 75% Gambit 75% Storm 70% Iceman 55% Nightcrawler 55% Cyclops 55% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com